SOMETIMES, just sometimes, us two leggeds need a short, sharp kick up the backside.
We get trapped on the treadmill of every day tedium, stressing ourselves about things we cannot change, running along at a fast pace yet not actually gaining any distance. Another trap is to devote so much time and energy to helping and supporting others that we forget to take care of ourselves, or hold so much frustration, anger, fear, grief and worry inside that something has to break to release that pressure.
Well, there’s nothing like the threat of a debilitating, terminal illness to shock us into leaping off that treadmill! I can’t say I’ve been entirely thankful to Spirit for this particular lesson, but I AM coming around to being grateful for the lessons – and actions – it brought.
Since the latter part of 2013, it’s probably fair to say I’ve been a busy fool. We had a bereavement in the family late in the year so, with everything surrounding that, then the Christmas holidays, we were in catch up mode. As I dug into tasks that had piled up, I also allowed myself to be pulled into many different directions – promising to aid friends and community projects with various elements, supporting dear ones who needed help, being caught in disagreements that spiralled into drama and, of course, supporting my partner through the grieving process after the death of her mother. At the same time, opportunities were coming through thick and fast. My response to these? Yes, yes, yes!
One thing I haven’t mastered yet is being able to physically add more hours into the day so, of course, something had to give!
The first thing to burst was our water tank… on the very day the nice man turned up to lay new carpets to replace those ruined by the last leak, some two years ago! Just as he turned up at the door, we realised that water was, yet again, dripping through our ceiling! Only a few weeks earlier, I’d been teaching my One Year Shamanic Circle students about the south… the element of water, victim/warrior states, hunter/hunted. In retrospect, it’s easy to admit I was feeling a little bit hunted; everyone wanting a piece of me. Victim, anyone? No wonder it was the element of water that finally bubbled over!
Action mode. Practical head. Get the insurance sorted out. Get the plumber in. Find a way to organise everything and still keep on top of those all important tasks! I am woman! I am robot! I can expand time and do EVERYTHING all on my own! You might say I was so occupied on that treadmill that I missed (or chose to ignore!) a very powerful lesson.
What’s that about Spirit throwing boulders at us if we ignore the pebbles and rocks?
A matter of days after the water leak, I received notice that I may be “at risk” of developing a pretty serious illness. And when I say “pretty serious”, I mean one of those with absolutely no cure and no get out of jail free card. One of those we all dread. One of those we watch documentaries about and start reconsidering all those long-held opinions about euthanasia and the right to die.
And that’s when it hit me. All that ‘stuff’ that had been so important for so long really didn’t matter. None of it was important. All that mattered was my family being okay in the event of me not being here, and my beautiful heart-mate being supported if I ended up needing round-the-clock care.
Here’s the kick up the backside bit…
In order to make sure my partner would be okay, I needed to pull my finger out. I needed to stop running on the spot, busily completing lots of tasks that didn’t actually grow corn for me. I needed to pull my head out of busy-being-busy mode and get my act in order. I needed to revisit those plans that made my heart sing and my soul rejoice – the stuff that WOULD grow corn – and start LIVING them instead of keeping them safely in a box, waiting for the right time.
So, my partner and I started putting some of those outsourcing ideas for our mainstream business into action, and we began to revise our plan and look at what we really wanted to achieve. I began putting even more effort into my shamanic work too – sourced a wonderful new venue for the new One Year Shamanic Circle training (beginning October 2014), organised a new evening course, started planning more workshops, redesigned my website, became an investor in Source TV and generally switched my thinking up a gear, so that it aligned with Spirit, rather than being trapped by head-mind and ‘old style’ corporate thinking. I started to get into FLOW.
And you know what? When I started to get into flow, my life started to do the same. Our business ventures started to run more smoothly, more opportunities started to come our way, and some of that stressy, time-sucking ‘chaff’ from before started to fall by the wayside.
As for my health? Well, fear is the biggest threat of all, isn’t it? I went through tears, trauma and abject terror before realising the lesson in all this. Stop delaying. Stop pontificating. Stop being bogged down in projects and situations that don’t allow us to grow and flourish. Stop putting my own dreams aside for the sake of the ‘safer’ treadmill. Take those wonderful gifts from the Universe and get on with making it happen!
The lesson I’m still dealing with in all this is the one about letting go, falling into her void and trusting. Having had lots of chats with my lovely, old-school doc, the chances of me developing the dreaded condition seem pretty slim, and the chances of me being able to get the required tests to rule it out seem equally out of reach. In my heart, I know I’m in the clear, and that’s more powerful than any medical test. Through all those tears, all that fear – and all that water! – I’m thankful for the much needed kick. Even if it hurt. The best lessons always do!