WHEN was the last time you told a lie? Be honest… nobody’s listening. Was there a little fib to get out of something you didn’t want to do? Were you, maybe, a little frugal with the truth so that special someone heard only what you THOUGHT they wanted to hear? And what about lying by omission? Does that count?
What I want to write about today is the kind of lies that cause real damage – intended or otherwise. I want to encourage everyone reading this blog (yes, that’s you!) to THINK before embroidering the truth, bending the truth or being dishonest by omission. I want you to stop and think before trying to be clever with your words; I want you to think about the worst case scenario your dishonesty could unfold. What might happen if people discovered the truth? How would they feel about you? How would YOU feel about yourself?
Authenticity, for me, is hugely important. It’s like deep, spiritual cleansing. I try to hold onto integrity and authenticity above all else. Does that mean I’ve NEVER told a fib? Of course not – I’m human, and I’m sure we’ve all told the teensiest white lie from time to time, so where’s the line?
L.I.E (Lost Integrity and Energy)
Now, as an adult, I can’t stand the thought of being dishonest; even the thought of the smallest untruth can feel like spiritual indigestion! I need to be able to look myself in the eye and believe, deep into my bones, that I’m walking with as much truth and integrity as I can muster. Walking in truth and beauty. I’m not sure you can have one without the other.
I believe every day is a school day. I believe I will go on learning until the day I die, and probably after that as well. Sometimes, the lessons are really, really tough, and one of the biggest lessons of the past decade or so came through being caught smack bang in the middle of a massive swamp of dishonesty and twisted truths.
A group of people I’d known for a long time, trusted and cared about began to fall out. I was the neutral person, so every one of them chose to come to me with their version of events. Unfortunately, some of the things I was being told conflicted horribly. Yes, of course people’s personal views of situations are bound to differ, but it gradually became clear that some parties were spinning awful lies about the others, telling only partial truths or deliberately twisting scenarios in order to get me on side. Trouble was, I had no intention of taking sides in an argument that had nothing to do with me, between people I cared about deeply.
What hurt most wasn’t that my loved ones were quarrelling, but that they were spinning such a web of dishonesty in order to come out on top, and it didn’t seem to matter how much devastation was caused in the process. By the end, the stories being spun were really quite upsetting. What’s more, something about their energies really dimmed during all this – drama feeds the ego, and their vibrations certainly seemed to drop considerably.
I’ve heard it said that good liars needs to have good memories, so they can remember everything they’ve said. Let’s just say this particular group of friends were NOT good liars! They tripped themselves up countless times, contradicting themselves or forgetting what they’d told me the week before. What’s more, when this all came about, I was well into my spiritual training, and this work DOES teach us to listen and know the difference between a true heart and a dishonest one. The eyes certainly are the windows to the soul, but tuning into the energy of someone’s words can be just as powerful!
I felt horribly torn in the middle of it all and, at one point, I felt my integrity was being compromised far too much. While it felt as though some of my friends were riding high on the drama of the situation, I was feeling totally drained. So caught in their own little worlds, not once did they stop to consider the jigsaw they were all creating, and that with them all outpouring to the same one person, their mistruths and careful omissions would be right there, underlined, in bold type and highlighted.
I believe they’re all pals again now, though it’s fair to say I distanced myself from the group after the fall out. I did my best to remain neutral, to avoid judgement or taking sides throughout, but how could I possibly trust any of them again when they’d all lied to me – and attempted to incriminate each other – so easily?
As teachings go, this one was pretty powerful, and it’s one of the reasons I describe authenticity as spiritually cleansing. Even now, if I allow myself to think back to that time and remember the emotions, all that dishonesty felt like poison running through my bloodstream; it was draining, exhausting and really took its toll. I felt like soiled goods.
Fairly recently, all the teachings from that occasion came back in glorious technicolor, when some people I knew through my shamanic work were facing some tough times, with rocky waters between them. This time, I supported those who needed the healing, made sure they ALL had the tools they needed to come back to wholeness, and gently stepped back as soon as it was safe to do so. It’s not my role to become embroiled in the drama. It’s not my role to take sides. It’s not my role to be a crutch. It’s my role to support, guide where necessary and then encourage people to stand on their own two feet – in truth, with integrity and in their own personal, beautiful, purity and power.
Next time you’re about to utter an untruth, please stop for a moment and consider the possible fall out from your words. Think about the damage they might do to others and, of course, the damage they might cause to your own energy. Is it really worth the risk?
Until next time, walk in truth and beauty.
PS: I can already feel a follow up blog coming on about the dangers of being “too honest”. In a situation like the one described here, when is it right to hold your tongue as opposed to reporting back to all parties (which could be simply answering questions honestly)?
Have you experienced anything similar? How did you handle it? What were the teachings? Would you do anything differently if the situation was replayed?
Would love to hear your views – please leave me a comment.