Taking a leap of faith 

SCROLLING through old pics this morning, I realised that six years ago I was walking with a stick. 

Not only that, but I was in almost constant pain and popping painkillers by the clock.

Things weren’t looking rosy back then. The specialists discovered the problem was due to the internal structure of my knee and predicted that the other one would soon suffer the same fate. We’d try some intense physio first but, the likelihood was that I’d need a knee replacement. Or two.

On paper back then, everything looked perfect. I had the big job, big car, private healthcare, pension, lovely holidays and a wonderful partner. Was I happy? Absolutely not. My smile was surface, my soul was in despair. I’d managed to carve out for myself what looked like the perfect life, but it didn’t fit; it wasn’t really mine. I was living a vision painted by someone else – I was living the life I *thought* I should be living; the one I’d learned to strive for to tick all those suburban, western ideals. I’d spent years climbing the ladder, only to realise it was up against the wrong wall.

Putting on the mask

Eventually, after too much stress, the loss of my dear dad, a breakdown and a daily cycle of ‘put on mask – go to work – come home – cry – go to bed – broken sleep – get up – put on mask – go to work’ the big decisions I needed to make began to be the only sensible decisions I *could* make, for the sake of my soul, my sanity and my health.

I leapt from the safety of the corporate shackles. No savings, no safety net, just a helluvalot of trust and a deep knowing that I needed to make that move.

Guess what? No more mask. No more nightly tears. And, something that came as a huge – and welcome – surprise… no more stick!

Listen to your body

The body has the most miraculous ability to tell us when something’s wrong. Trouble is, we rarely listen to it. We push on through, pop some pills, slap on a Band Aid and get the job done. Because that’s what we’re supposed to do. We don’t stop to look into what’s at the root of the problem. We don’t check in to see if we’re on a path that’s right for us. We think with our brains instead of our hearts and we follow the road we’ve modelled through years of observing others and listening to people tell us what we *should* do, instead of working to find our soul’s path.

Was it easy? No. It was terrifying. Was it worth it? Absolutely! I’m now moving more and more into the ‘work’ I’m meant to be doing. The big holidays paused for a while, the car’s not as high-end, the wages aren’t as certain and the private healthcare is gone. But you know what? ‘Work’ doesn’t feel like work. Most days feel like a holiday because I’m enjoying my life far more than I used to. The Hyundai works just as well as the Audi, and it’s bit more eco friendly. Money’s sometimes really tight and it’s still very easy to go into financial fear, but we’ve always had enough to get by; it’s ebb and flow in place of predictability. And the private healthcare? I’m happier, so I’m healthier and we haven’t missed it.

An old medicine woman once said to me: “You know Taz, the reason people refuse to take a leap of faith is that they forget The Creator will catch them.”

I reckon she might have been right!

Until next time, walk in truth and beauty,
Taz

Xx

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About Taz Thornton (www.firechild-shamanism.co.uk)

Speaker | writer | firewalker | empowerment coach | shamanic artist | mentor | encourager. Debut tome underway for Moon Books. Follow me on Twitter - @TazThornton and find FirechildShamanism and TazThorntonOfficial on Facebook.
This entry was posted in Healing, Life, responsibility, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Taking a leap of faith 

  1. The more I learn about you, Taz, the more I learn from you. Love.

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  2. Thank you ‘ so so much for such a beautiful sharing of your truth Taz, you ‘shine in a world that for ‘some ‘ , has lost its sparkle, heartfelt thanks , ‘bright bright Soul’ . Xx

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  3. Julia Hopkinson says:

    Hi Taz, speaking your truth is so healing, I like your honesty. I am looking forward to learning with you in October.

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  4. hiraeth66 says:

    This touched me.. its where I am right now but I’m there with severe stress and anxiety.. been off work for 2 and a half months and probably not going back any time soon, if ever. I want to be working for myself as a therapist. I want to be working to help people. But taking that leap? It’s hard. 3 kids of my own to support and another teenager I seem to have aquired along the way.. rent, bills, transport.. and I’m signed up for 2 further years study at college for psychotherapy. How so ypu trust that this will all be affordable? The universe is pushing me hard and has been for the last 3 years to do this.. and then putting obstacles in my way too. I can’t go on like I am. The stress is just worse and worse each day and the problems are just mounting. I have a yearning to just let go and trust that it will all work out to the greater good, but I’m living in fear of doing so. How did you just let go and trust so blindly?

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    • Hi there,

      Thank you for your reply. For me, it got to the point where I just couldn’t go on any more. The choice was rapidly getting to a point of leap or die – it really was crippling me (no pun intended, but I guess that’s what was happening with my knees). I found myself exploring all kinds of worst case scenarios, culminating in ‘what if I lost the house?’. What would happen then? Could we live in a caravan if we had to? Etc, etc. I was so, so crushingly stressed and depressed, something absolutely had to give, so the answer to all my ‘could we….?’ questions began to result in a ‘yes’.

      I had plenty of support from my wonderful partner, who wanted me to be happy and healthy more than she wanted all that perceived material fulfilment; she knew how bad things were for me (and therefore for us), so was willing to leap with me, and that made a huge difference. And then there was all that support from Spirit… they encouraged and supported me and gently nudged me in the right direction. I just had to open my wings and trust.

      I can’t tell you it wasn’t scary. It still is sometimes. There’s no safety net and little predictability in self-employment, but the rewards are great and, hey, I’m still here, alive, well and happy. And if I hadn’t made the leap? In all honestly, I might not have been any of those things by now!

      I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say that, for me, I needed to feel the fear and do it anyway, and my life is richer for it.

      Good luck!

      Taz
      X

      Liked by 1 person

      • hiraeth66 says:

        Thanks Taz.. I’m feeling the fear, and almost at the point of doing it anyway. I have wonderful supportive people around me but essentially I’m on my own day to day and financially. But I think it has come to make or break point. I need to do this.. for me.. for happiness and actually before I put myself in a mental health ward by continuing to not do what spirit has been pushing me hard to do for a few years now. Last night when I wrote that I was feeling how impossible it all was. Today after sleep and reflection I’m beginning to see that I can’t not do it.. so thanks. This really did help me, very much.

        Jali

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      • Best of luck to you, Jali. Be happy! Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this. I had to take this leap of faith 1 1/2 years ago. Going to work everyday and getting home exhausted, paying most of my money for daycare, never spending quality time with my daughter… everything just imploded. I was so exhausted, depressed and had forgotten those things which are really important to me. I’m in so much a better state of mind than I was when I was working a “regular job”. Thank you for sharing this. ❤

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